Why?

My mom told me years ago that my very first word was "why?" And that's continued on through my entire life; I've never been one to do something, or believe something, just because someone else wants me to do that or believe that. I always need to find the "why" for myself.

When I jumped into triathlon this past February, I did it because I wanted to get in shape and it was something to do with the guy I was (then) dating. And then I got hooked. I went from barely swimming 25 yards to swimming a mile in the chilly waters of Aquatic Park. I went from hating running to loving it, happily running 8 miles in pouring rain. Thrilled to see my pace drop from 10:30 to 8:35 over 5 miles. Delighted to finish in the top 25% of my AG at Pacific Grove.

I had committed to giving triathlon a full season before deciding whether to continue on next year. I had suspected that after September, when the season was over, I'd probably stop training (because that's been my pattern with exercise.) But I surprised myself by being even more committed to training even in the off-season. It's become a part of my life.

So yesterday I was talking with a friend who's also doing Hawaii 70.3 about hiring a coach for our little group. He felt like it would just be a hassle because he wasn't doing the race for time, just to have fun and finish. And he asked me why I wanted one. Hmm, good question. While I'd babbled a bit to a coach earlier that day about what I was seeking, I knew I hadn't fully translated an intuitive gut sense into clear rationale. And I need to do that... for myself, and for my future coach. And writing my "why" publicly will help hold me accountable.

But before I can articulate why I want a coach, I need to articulate why I'm doing triathlon. Why exactly have I become so passionate about this sport when I've never been athletic in my entire life? What's going to keep me going when the training gets really tough?

• First, regret. I grew up believing that exercise was a dirty word; a not-fun chore in order to lose weight. I didn't know any athletes. My parents never exercised. I didn't know that sports could be not only fun and energizing, but a way to discover yourself and grow. So since I didn't need to lose weight, I blew it off and read books. Or went to parties once I got into high school and college. I try to live my life with no regrets, but I can honestly say I now have one: that I didn't experience sports when I was younger. It's bringing out a side of me that I never knew existed, and I love it.
• Second, I've crossed the big 40. There's a voice inside my head that says I can't perform at the top of my age group unless I'd already been training for decades. It says stuff like, "at your age, you should just be happy to finish and not worry about time." I hate that phrase, "at your age." I want to prove that voice wrong. 
• Third, I like the competition. I know that at the end of the day I'm only competing against myself, but I love pushing myself against other people and seeing how I stack up. I've never experienced competition and had no idea how much I'd enjoy it.

So why a coach? Why not just push forward on my own? Having a coach is a big commitment; I didn't expect to want one so soon after starting this journey.

• I don't want to just finish; I want to finish well. I want to go into a race feeling confident that, barring unforeseen circumstances, I am going to have fun and reap the rewards of the time I'd banked. My first triathlon was miserable because I hadn't adequately trained for it, and I never want to experience that again. And I have absolutely no idea how to train for finishing well. I'm way too soft on myself. I have no idea what my limits are, and therefore I've always played it safe.
• I want to know what I'm capable of. I want to know what it's like to not just do a triathlon, but to be a triathlete. I want to find out what's possible. And I never want to wonder, when I'm 80 years old, "what would have happened if I'd actually put in the time and effort?"

I think the bottom line is, I want to live with no regrets. Pretty simple.

What's your "why?"

 

Comments

[Molly]

I think those are great reasons!!! I did my first 2 seasons in triathlon on my own but I've seen such a performance difference with a coach. I may never be the type to win anything but I want to be the best me I can be and know what I'm capable of. :-)