No excuses

Jason recently wrote a great post on discipline that reminded me of an interesting exchange over the weekend.

A couple gals from the tri club came to my little shindig on Friday night. For some reason the subject of Ironman came up, and I mentioned that I was unlikely to ever do a full distance. Immediately both girls shook their heads:

Girl #1: "You are definitely the most likely person I know to do an Ironman."

Girl #2: (nods emphatically)

Me: (incredulous) "Really? Me? What makes you say that?"

Girl #1: "Because you're disciplined with your training. You are very committed."

Huh. I've been chewing on this short but meaty exchange for a couple days now. It's always interesting to hear other people's perceptions of you. I've never been disciplined in my life... no, I take that back. I was when I was a kid. I wanted to learn, grow, become. I proactively asked my teachers for homework in grade school. Had all my badges in girl scouts. Organized a street fair in 4th grade.

Yet somewhere along the line I picked up some tragic lessons. I gained the curse of the perfectionist: if I don't try hard, then I have an excuse if/when I fail. Upon moving to a new school, I learned that the kids who tried hard weren't popular (which was tough for an only-child military brat always trying to fit in). And as I got older I learned that the hardest and most effective workers get loaded down with the tasks that other people can't or won't do.

So I slowed down and started coasting. And I did just fine coasting: I fit in. I didn't ruffle any feathers. I didn't fail at anything, but I didn't really succeed either. I got home from work at the same time as everyone else. And I think something inside me, that spark, started shriveling and dimming.

Now I've gotten the spark back, apparently. Maybe that's why I love triathlon; it's helping me to rediscover a part of me that has been buried for a while. It's funny, I don't even think of training as "discipline." I look at my schedule and I do what's on it. It never occurs to me to not do it (even on crappy days like today when I was so fatigued that my run was more of a shuffle.)

Yes, it helps to have a coach; I'm not sure I'd be so disciplined otherwise. But I suppose that's where commitment comes in; I know what I need in order to become a triathlete. I need to learn how to train right so I hire a coach; I need to surround myself with the right people who are supportive, so I join a tri club; I know I have a lot to learn, so I read whatever I can.

Commitment is about excuse elimination. Discipline, then, is just doing the work because you no longer have a choice; you've just architected an environment in which excuses no longer live.

There's a part of me that's scared of this process. I may pour a ton of time, energy, and my heart into this and then not succeed at the level I'd expect from the time investment. I won't have the excuse of "well, I didn't really try." That was my easy excuse last year, and it's probably why I wasn't nervous for any of my races. I didn't put a lot in, so I didn't expect a lot out. This year is different. I'm putting a lot in, and I'm nervous. My first race of the season is this weekend, and I do have an excuse for this one: I haven't done much speedwork... mostly a lot of slow HR training. So I can sorta set this one aside as a practice race. But come Wildflower and Honu... now that's a different story. I'm gonna be nervous. I will want to do well. So I train. I suppose that makes me "disciplined."

Of course maybe this is an inherent trait of type A personalities. For some reason there is no middle ground with me; once I decide to do something, I dive right in. I've done this in other areas of my life that are "safer"... more experiential, nothing as tangible as a time/pace/place outcome. But I'm finding that this competitive context suits me well. It pushes me.

So thanks, girls, for voting me most likely to do an Ironman. You gave me a lot to think about. Maybe I'll take up that challenge in a year or two (or three). But first let me get through Honu :-)

Comments

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I totally get this! I think I wrote a very similar post last year before Honu... or maybe it was the year before... but the gist of it was how scary it is to go into a race knowing that you are as prepared as you could possibly be... because then what if you fail? It's so much easier to give yourself the excuse beforehand- and many people do that- but you're really just cheating yourself if you chose that route. And I can tell you- hiring a coach does NOT automatically instill discipline. You are absolutely one of the hardest working, most dedicated and disciplined athletes I have. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it!) this sport of ours can require years of that (OMG a decade in my case! ;) before your goals are actually met, and even then the goals move so as you know from some of my previous posts, maybe goals are never truly met... which is why those of us who are type A are continually captivated by it... oh I could go on and on... point being just that I *get* this post. And I agree- get through Honu this year... but I would also vote you likely to do an Ironman at some point. I absolutely believe you could do it because I think you could do anything you set your mind to. ;)

Posted by: Michelle Simmons | 03/07/2011 at 11:52 PM